Why McCain wins?

He is funny.

Leno humor

"Let me tell you something, when it comes to finishing a fight, Rocky and I have a lot in common. I never quit. I never give up." ---Hillary Clinton

"Now if I remember the movie correctly, doesn't Rocky get the crap beat out him and then loses to the black guy?" ---Jay Leno

Father-daughter talk (on conservatism)

Old internet humor:

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had t o be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

Her father responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?'

She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'

Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask h im to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, 'That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!'

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to conservatism.'

Real preachers of genius: seeker-sensitive, mega-church guy

Ha!

And people say I'm cynical

Got this from some friend via e-mail:

As you may have heard, the Bush Administration said every one of us would
now get a nice rebate.

If we spend the money at Wal-Mart, it will all go to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs.
If we spend it on fruit and vegetables it will all go to Mexico, Honduras,
and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will all go to Japan.
If we purchase electronic gadgets it will all go to Taiwan or Malayasia.

We need to keep that money at home to strengthen our economy here, so the
best way to spend it is for prostitutes and beer, the only truly functional
businesses still in the US.

My name is Elliot Spitzer and I approved this ad...

Tell me this wouldn't freak you out a little

Ha!

Worked for my wife!

Wanna be happy? Marry a man uglier than you...

Something going around the internet...

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a Band-Aid to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, get in the fight. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

The latest bumper sticker. Ouch.

The Democrat Majority - ouch!

Confused Christmas - good stuff

Video for the Christmas humbugs - Merry Tossmas!

Here.

Laugh, if you can

From the Corner:

Family Research Council head Tony Perkins started off the Value Voters Summit in Washington this morning with joke that served as an indication of social conservatives' unhappiness with both parties. A Republican and a Democrat are talking. The Republican says to the Democrat, "I bet you can't even say the Lord's Prayer." "Sure, I can," the Democrat answers. "Here's $20 says you can't," the Republican responds. "You're on," says the Democrat, who begins reciting, "Now I lay me down to sleep…" At that point, the audience in the Washington Hilton started to laugh. And then Perkins delivered the punch line: The Republican hands over the $20 and says, "Man, I didn't think you could do it."

For all you Moms out there

Two minutes, 55 seconds of pure glory.

Outsourcing parenting...laugh if you can!

Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest - reminds me of some writing I have done!

The winner for the best bad opening sentences to a novel...but check them all out.

Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.

Time served?

Fromthe Opinion Journal: The Associated Press reports from Peterborough, Ontario, on the strange case of 24-year-old Steven Cranley:

Cranley, who has been diagnosed with a dependent personality disorder, attacked his girlfriend in an argument after their breakup.

He tried to prevent her from phoning the police by cutting her phone cord and punched and kicked her. He finally stabbed himself with a butcher knife when police did arrive, puncturing his aorta.

Cranley pleaded guilty and received an unusual sentence: The judge ruled that he "is not allowed to have a girlfriend for the next three years."

All we can say is that if this ever happens to us, we hope we get credit for time served in high school.

Did Democrats come from apes?

Well, now.

A leading Christian apologist says he's not at all surprised by the results of a new Gallup poll that finds most Democrats and Independents believe Darwin's theory of evolution is true, but Republicans disbelieve it by a more than 2-to-1 margin. Church attendance, according to the poll, plays a role in those findings.

Hear This Report

Cameron Finds Christ

Funny.

Hollywood — Titanic director James Cameron unveiled today still more artifacts discovered in the tomb of Jesus. Cameron alleges these artifacts prove, once and for all, that the man Christians believe to be the Son of God actually got married, had a child, and moved to the suburbs:

An anniversary card “To My Wife” with a handwritten inscription by Jesus; “Mary, this year — I promise — we’ll get a babysitter and take a weekend at the Fontainebleau.”

Jesus Christ’s personal checkbook, from the Bank of Jerusalem, with a check stub for Jesus Jr.’s Tai Kwan Do lessons.

Several pairs of hardly worn women’s dress shoes that Cameron swears are “size 7 1/2 — Mary Magdalene’s shoe size!”

A baseball cap labeled “World’s Greatest Dad” with a handwritten note inscribed; “Pops — Happy Fathers Day (signed) Jesus Jr.”

On the side of the ossuary, a bumper sticker that, translated from the original Aramaic, reads: “Our Boy Is An Honor Student At Jerusalem High.”

Some refrigerator magnets shaped like oxen and goats.

A crayon drawing of a man who appears to be asleep. The drawing is labeled “Uncle Lazarus.”

A 2,000-year-old lottery ticket for the Jerusalem Powerball Mega Million Game. Scholars employed by Cameron’s production company maintain that the numbers on the ticket correspond exactly with the birthdays of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, and Jesus Jr.!

A discount pass for the Jerusalem Chuck E. Cheese “good until January 1st, 0033.”

Two ticket stubs to Cats.